Sober January is a disaster.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
