They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
