So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize