420 ftw
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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