"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
