Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
