I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
