I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
