He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
