I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
