Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
