Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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