She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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