His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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