There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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