Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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