if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Green mimosas i think yes
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
