i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
