the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
