Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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