ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
