She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Don't make out with my wife yet
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
