Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
