does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
