Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
