Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
