I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
