I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
