I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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