I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
