hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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