There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
