Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
