Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
