I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
