his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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