I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think my moral compass just broke
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