This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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