I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
