ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
