If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
