plz talk dirty to me
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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