even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize