Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
