just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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