The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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