bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
