you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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