So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize