Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize