P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
