I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize