Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
