According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
