Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
ttyl tear gas
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
