I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
