I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
bring money and cleavage
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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