guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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