Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
