dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
