a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
