If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
