If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
COCAINE IS GR8
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
