k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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