Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
