Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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