Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
