And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
