shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
