dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
