her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
we're so committed to being not committed
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize