I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
