Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
