ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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