and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I know her cup size but not her name....
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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