She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
