either way he was missing a nipple.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
