so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
