Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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